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| PB of 180kg Dead lift |
I want my life back NOW.
I know that I am doing better then 90% of people in my condition my pain medication is just some ibuprofen 95% of the time...... but I hate the limitations on my body. I have spent the last 18+ months Crossfitting; building a better me, a stronger me and now here I am doing nothing sitting in a fricken chair for most of the day, undoing all that hard work.
I feel like it's selfish that I want no repercussions from this accident, because I know that there are people who experienced similar accidents who are far worse off than me. Most of those will never walk again. But, that's what I want.
I came across this quote the other day.
“It was then that I realized I wasn't afraid to lose my life; I was afraid to lose the life I could've lived.”
This is what I want! The life that I've been afraid to live! I want to do the thing's I have been hesitant to do. I have already started to make some of those decisions in an attempt to do this, but I will elaborate on those at a later date.
In order to achieve these goals I need to start taking the right steps to get myself back on track, physically and mentally. I need to treat my rehab as I did my training, just wake up and get it done! No excuses - clean up my diet and get it done!
I walked for 20 mins on the treadmill on an incline at 6km/hr the other day.
........ so boring! How does that even compare to 3.....2.....1.....GO? It's not even close!
I know it needs to be done. I know that every step will help me. I just need to get on that stupid treadmill all the time. Start doing every thing I need to do to get to my goal.
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| post wod |
Man I miss crossfit.
I miss my crew.
I miss my deadlifts. Moving that loaded bar. Pushing myself every day.
I guess the new challenge is to push myself closer to recovery every day. Its hard when all you hear is take it easy and rest!
I feel like all I have done is rest. I just want to do what I had been doing. But, I know that it will get better it is just going to take time .
I did a stupid thing today I fricken Googled C4-5 recovery. Bad move. The outlook didn't look good. They were all complaining about neck and shoulder pain 6 months post surgery. I know that age and fitness is a huge factor in recovery. I mean I'm 33 and in reasonably good shape and have been told my fitness is what saved my life and kept me out of a wheelchair, so I feel like I have the upper hand in recovery. I know that my chances of full recovery are within my reach. Even the surgeon has told me 6 month and I will be good to go.
My sister-in-law is quick to tell me proper rehab and not rushing it is the key. I just need to do it right.
I just have to remove all this doubt from my mind and reading other peoples horror story's isn't going to help. I just need to look at http://mirandaoldroyd.blogspot.com.au/ and I know it can be done. I know I have referred to this athlete before, but this right now is what is keeping me going.
Tomorrow is a new day and with it I can guarantee that its going to bring air squats, lunges, a fast walk and some mobility because there is no way I'm wasting this second chance.
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| The REPS crew at torture in the Tropics. |
Great read Leigh! I totally feel for you and can completely understand your frustration, at the need to take it easy, and not do too much! A really tough call for sure! One thing I can share is a quote I often think of when I am "trying to do too much" in my ocd nature is this:
ReplyDelete"Success is not about what I am doing, but who I am becoming"
At first glance this might seem like it has no relevance at all, but when you share about having a 'second chance' this is who you have become now (a miracle) and how you live out that gift is up to you. Whether you can still lift 160kg deadlift is a minimal feat, in comparison to that feeling you will get when you will be able to walk Claire down the aisle, or kick that footy with Tyler in years to come.
Don't be discouraged Leigh, you are amazing and like you say your family means the world to you, focus on that and becoming the most amazing husband, and dad you can be.....Crossfit will always be there when you have recovered enough, and we will all be there to cheer you on along the way :)
Use this difficult situation to become the better person :)